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  • Writer's pictureEster Fernandes-Da Silva

TRANSFORMING RELATIONSHIPS: THE LAW OF CAUSE AND EFFECT

Updated: Sep 5, 2023

I like to compare the law of cause and effect with the law of gravity. I believe these two laws which govern our lives are similar in the sense that both laws are universal, unchangeable, and essential to functioning properly on Earth. However, both laws, even though immutable, can be interrupted by someone's behavior. The law of cause and effect is often interrupted in the name of love, thus leaving the “loved one” without the effect of their own doing. This usually happens within relationships with little or no boundaries. Now, let me be clear; I am not speaking of a responsible loved one who makes a mistake and needs our help and support. I am talking about irresponsible people who carelessly and repeatedly make irresponsible choices.


Both laws are essential to function in this world properly


These two laws that govern our lives are similar in the sense that both laws are universal, unchangeable, and essential to function on Earth properly. For example, if I lift an object and leave it unsupported in midair, it will fall to the ground. In the same way, if I keep overspending, I will not have enough money to pay my bills, therefore I will probably receive phone calls from debt collectors. On the other hand, if I make a budget and spend accordingly, I will have money to pay my bills and maybe extra for my savings. How and what I do with my money (cause) will determine if I will have money to pay my bills (effect).

The law of gravity exists so that you and I can stand on the ground and breathe the air on Earth. The law of cause and effect is here so we can understand that how we think, behave and act creates effects in our lives. These effects can be rewarding, meaningful, pleasant or satisfying.

On the other hand, how we think, behave and act can create effects in our lives that are unpleasant, troublesome and distressful.


In every effect, there is a specific cause,

In every cause or action or behavior there is a specific effect.


These laws governs our lives and there is no other way around. When our behavior and actions bring forth pleasantness it reinforces our behavior and we tend to repeat it. When the results are unpleasant and miserable we tend to change and improve our actions and behavior to get a better result.


How the law of cause and effect can be interrupted


Both laws, even though unchangeable, can be interrupted. For example, the law of gravity can be interrupted by someone catching the object before it hits the ground. In the same way law of cause and effect can be interrupted by someone paying my bills every time I overspend.

The law of gravity itself did not change by a person interrupting it. It was still at work when the object fell into their hands. The same is true for the law of cause and effect. Even though, interrupted when someone pays my bills everytime I overspend, the effect falls on that person who pays the bills. If someone always rescues me from the unpleasantness of my irresponsible actions and behaviors, there will be no need for improvement. The unpleasant and miserable effects of our bad actions and behaviors is what usually pushes us to improve. Interrupting the effects will cause the person to stay in an endless cycle of carelessness and inresponsibility.



Interrupting the law of cause and effect in the name of love


Many of us have a tendency of rescuing irresponsible people from the natural consequences of their actions and behavior. Many of us do this often in the name of love. For instance, one may call their spouses boss to tell them that he or she is sick when in reality they are intoxicated. We lend money when we shouldn't. We call the school to complain and blame the professor for the low grades of our almost adult child, when in reality they spend most of their time playing videogames. By interrupting the natural law of cause and effect we reinforce the irresponsible behavior. By constantly rescuing our “loved one,” we set ourselves up to save them again and again. By constantly saving them from the consequences of their own choices in the name of love is like co-signing our lives to someone else. There is another name for this rescuing behavior, “codependence.”


Transforming your relationships by allowing your “loved one” to take responsibility for their lives


As we can see, rescuing our irresponsible loved one is not love. It is much healthier for both parties, if the rescuer show empathy towards his or her irresponsible loved one, but doesn't bail them out. For example one can say, “unfortunately, I can't lend you more money, but I am here for support if you need to talk” or “If you believe you don‘t have a good professor, look for a tutor for extra help.” The real path to love is allowing our careless and irresponsible “loved one” to take responsibility for their own lives. Each one of us must be responsible for our own actions. We must be responsible for our behaviors, actions and the choices we make, good or bad. Painful as this may be for us to watch our loved one feel the unpleasantness of his or her doing, it is essential that we stop interrupting the law of cause and effect in their lives. This way they can learn, mature and get out of the endless cycle of irresponsibility.


Let’s love them by allowing them to take ownership of their lives.





Keywords: Relationships, Boundaries, The Law Of Cause And Effect, Irresponsibility, Consequences, Behavier, Rescue, Choices, Endless Cycle, Loved One, Transforming Relationships: The Law of Cause And Effect.




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